By Amy McGinnis

It’s probably not much of a secret that the San Francisco Giants are my least favorite team in baseball.  As Phils fans, we’re still not happy about 2010.  Here are a few extra reasons for you to join me in my hatred.

1. The brawls.  Philadelphia and San Francisco have had some outstanding bench-clearing fights.  Remember Jonathan Sanchez hitting Chase Utley with a pitch in the 2010 NLCS?  (Is there a pitcher who hasn’t beamed Uts? He’s like a helicopter over that plate.)  Chase tossed the ball back to Sanchez as he took first.  It’s not as if he said, “Here’s your ball, bitch!” like I would have; he just got a little sassy.  Sanchez turned into the Hulk and ignited a melee on the field.  Do you recall, in 2011, Ramon Ramirez getting bent out of shape when Jimmy Rollins stole second with a six run lead? I bet Shane Victorino does, because he’s the one who got plunked for it.  Vic charged the mound, the benches emptied … you know the rest.  What’s the theme here? San Francisco needs to stop hitting our batters, and stop acting like little girls throwing tantrums after the fact.
2. Plays at the plate.  Scott Cousins collided with Buster Posey at the plate; Posey shat in his Pull-Up and was carried off the field.  Chipper Jones charged Erik Kratz at the plate; Kratz braced for impact, snagged John Mayberry Jr.’s perfect throw, made the tag in time, and shook it off.  Before you call me heartless, understand that I’ve snapped my left fibula and torn apart ligaments too.  It hurts.  I wouldn’t wish that pain on someone.  I’m just saying … maybe learn to take a hit better.
3. Furry creatures.  Pablo Sandoval has made me detest pandas.  All of them.  The Phanatic eclipses all mascots, symbols, slogans, and other marketing crap. Period.
4. Food.  What do you eat at CBP? A hot dog and crab fries? Maybe a cheesesteak?  At AT&T Park, you can also enjoy the game while eating delicious food in your seats.  How does a deviled egg sound? Maybe some soup in a bowl that’s made out of sourdough bread? Ok, that sounds like stuff my mom would eat … at brunch.  Not to mention, if you need utensils, it’s not ballpark food.
5. Hunter Pence.  We sent HP3 to San Francisco this past season at the trade deadline.  He was a fresh-faced, handsome young man who always smiled because, gosh darn it, that southern boy just loves baseball.  Three months later, he has a gross-looking beard, a half-buttoned jersey, and the smile seems almost … sorry, Hunter … douchey.
6. Aces.  Our ace, Cole Hamels, and San Francisco’s ace, Matt Cain, had similar stats in the 2012 season.  Cain had one fewer win, but his ERA is slightly lower.  At the end of the day, though, Cole Hamels is Cole Hamels, and Matt Cain is Not Cole Hamels.
7. The Journey Song.  In 2010, fans in San Francisco made a video with a song they wrote to the tune of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’.” I can hear it in my head as I type this (“Let’s go, Giiiiii … ants”) and I may vomit.  As mockery, Ryan Madson used the Journey song when he ran from the bullpen.  Giants’ fans picked ruined a Journey song from the 80s, and that’s what people watched on YouTube … while Phils fans were still watching videos of Chase Utley yelling “World Fucking Champions!!!” on parade day.  Your move, San Francisco.
8. Names. A Phillies fan can refer to “Jimmy” or “Chooch” and not need to explain who that is.  The Phillies roster boasts first names such as Ryan, Jimmy, and Domonic.  As if Tim Lincecum’s long hair weren’t bad enough, the Giants have Madison and Aubrey in the infield.  I have neighbors with those names.  They’re both little girls.
9. The Beards. If I never hear “Fear the Beard” again, it will be too soon.  I don’t fear Brian Wilson’s beard; I vomit because of it.  Brian, I know you think you look eccentric, but you really just look bat shit crazy (and not in a good way).  You’ve got Romo and Pence looking like dumbasses, too.  Id recommend a tutorial from Cliff Lee.
10. The fans.  San Francisco has a passionate fanbase just as Philadelphia does.  The difference is that the national media loves to paint us in a barbaric light; even minor incidents are broadcast across the country with the message that fans in Philadelphia behave like complete assholes.  The Matthew Clemmens incident notwithstanding, I can’t think of any recent abhorrent behavior from Phils fans.  Does the name Andrew Vargas ring a bell?  Probably not.  The media seems to think that San Francisco fans have “great energy” and “love for their team.”  What should have been a major nationwide story received a mediocre amount of attention.  Andrew Vargas is the then-21-year-old man from San Francisco who had a run in with a Phillies fan at AT&T Park last season.  By “run in,” of course, I mean that that careless, drunken asshole struck a Phillies fan with his car outside the stadium after the game.  By “Phillies fan,” I’m sure you remember, I mean then-nine-year-old Ryan White of Yardley.  Vargas mowed that child down and fled the scene.  Ryan has undergone multiple surgeries; Vargas was able to plead to a lesser charge of DUI.  It’s hard to say how it would have happened had it been in Philadelphia, but if history teaches us anything, I’d say that the media would still be covering it … and Vargas probably wouldn’t have gotten more than a few yards down Pattison before Philadelphians made him beg to be put in a cell.  While I understand that one person does not a fanbase make, I’m still angry enough to blame the whole damned city.  God help us all if the Giants take the World Series; I want their fans to go away.

Tags: Amy McGinnis, Brian Wilson, Buster Posey, Carlos Ruiz, Chase Utley, Cole Hamels, Erik Kratz, Giants, Jimmy Rollins, Jonathan Sanchez, Matt Cain, NLCS, Phillies, Ramon Ramirez, Shane Victorino., TSP